‘The fact of the matter is that sometimes spending a concentrated time together in a large group can often bring simmering tensions to the fore or even create drama where none previously existed.’
Jay Hanna
‘At this stage she is unlikely to divorce you because you hadn’t noticed she’s changed her hair from “light golden blonde” to “medium golden blonde” for autumn’
‘One has said before, there’s nothing worse than war erupting on the street you live on, and trust your Aunt when One says small feuds can escalate quickly.’
Bullies are a bit like vampires, they prefer to operate in the dark so when you shed light on the situation they scarper.
The answer is to pull out of the role, let the chips fall where they may, then see who swoops in like a seagull on a different kind of chip to keep the party going, as it were.
‘One is sure you are not the only one feeling the pressure to contribute but you shouldn’t put yourself in a sticky financial position in the process.’
‘Hopefully she will soon realise that those who lead her into uncomfortable, dangerous or emotionally harmful situations are not people she wants to surround herself with’
‘My ex-lover, who lives next door, is feeding my cat and the cat is having sleepovers and I feel jilted all over again’
‘You may be over-the-moon that your son has a girlfriend but don’t let your excitement get the better of you, less you come off far too strong and scare the poor girl off with your unbridled enthusiasm.’
‘Some women take to the organisation of a wedding like a duck to water, others see it as a military operation, some bury their heads in the sand . . . and others turn into control freaks’
‘Bullies are insecure. They pick on others to elevate themselves because ultimately their self-esteem and/or self-confidence is lacking for whatever reason.’
‘Your would-be friend sounds like a real good time. If you don’t fancy what she’s offering perhaps we could do a neighbour swap and you can spend a few hours with Bert.’
‘One would say your most pressing issue is to get the skeleton out of your car boot’
‘Your Aunt been known to up-end One’s entire life after a few hours spent staring at the ocean and feeling the warm winds of January seemingly encouraging One to change countries, careers or lovers on a whim.’
‘If your Aunt knows anything my dear, and that is up for debate, but if One does, it’s that people-pleasing is a short road to long-term disappointment.’
‘Sometimes you have to be realistic and understand that other life priorities need to take over.’
And if you are absolutely desperate for a man to escort you to a gathering in future, One can suggest a certain septuagenarian who would happily attend the opening of an envelope.
One doubts whatever it is, could be any worse than the mental images your Aunt is currently harbouring.
‘One says a hard no to some of the baffling beauty trends of the moment, like eyelashes so long (and heavy) the simple act of blinking is like resistance training for the eyelids.
‘One would be less than inclined to share those ideas with four women who sound like they might give your Aunt a run for her money in the sexy, single and ready-to-mingle stakes.’
One would say your solution that you see this person one on one might be the best way to proceed with this friendship for now.
Is this also the plot of some romantic comedy? If not, it should be.
‘Christmas is a time for compassion and compromise.’
Any attempt to coerce someone into doing something they don’t want to do, no matter how trivial or lighthearted it might seem, is simply not the kind of behaviour that should be encouraged.
